5 Things That I’m Afraid To Tell You
but will because I have no other blog post ideas
I thought a ridiculous photo was needed to set the tone for this one. This is a shot of me telling my fave photog that she should just photo the best part of me and call it a day. And I shook that best part at her to make my point.
1. Our new hardwoods are the floors of my husband’s dreams. I never knew anyone could love flooring as much as this guy does. But they kill my feet. Or maybe my Tory Burch sandals kill my feet. Maybe its the deadly combo of the two. Either way, when I get into bed at night my feet ache so hard that I’m concerned they might need to be amputated at the ankles.
2. I ordered two rugs for our new house and because I am terrible at spacial reasoning, they were both humungous. I had to sell them second hand and the more people who wanted them, the more I wanted to keep them and force them to work. There are like five things wrong with that scenario.
3. My kid screams like I’m torturing him every single time I need to change his diaper or clothes. The only thing I can think is that he hates my choice in smocked attire for his masculine self. At this point, I’ve given up and he pretty much only wears a diaper at all times. I blame it on the heat if anyone gives me the side eye. And by anyone, I mean my husband and the check out lady at Target, aka the only two people we see on the regular.
4. I have a really deep loathing resentment thing happening for our contractor. It might not be healthy, but I honestly cannot stand the sight of him. I try to remember that he is a human being but mostly when I picture him he looks like a combo of the Joker from Batman and Daddy Pig from Peppa Pig. Go ahead and imagine that and tell me you wouldn’t loathe it. Also, that’s some creativity right there!
5. After I had The Great Moving Week Plague, I just couldn’t stomach wine. Shocking, I know. I think I drank wine like the second I got my IV out that one time I was hospitalized with food poisoning. This virus just wiped me out and I couldn’t even look at red wine. I managed to have a bottle or two of champagne this weekend at the wedding, so I’m working my way back to my nightly glass of vino, but it’s been a weird few weeks to say the least. Oh, and P.S., we gave four of our best friends the Plague because we’re super nice like that. Wanna be friends with us? Hope you have a strong immune system! 
The end!