I finally made it back to Maine after 13 hours of traveling, lots of waiting around, a little sprinting and a lost-ish bag. I have to admit that by the time I pulled into my driveway I was so happy to be home that I couldn’t stand it. And then I was locked out. By my family. Who was sitting at the kitchen table having dinner. I honestly cried when they opened the door. Traveling while pregnant will apparently make you so happy to be home that you will actually cry real and dramatic tears. In front of boys.
Anyways, for today’s 5 on Friday with April and Co. I’m going to tell you the 5 Things I Do In Public While Traveling That I Should Never Do In Public.
1. Openly Judge Others.
Typically, I try to hide my judgement behind my really big sunglasses, but while traveling, I just can’t seem to control my disgust for other travelers. Here is a perfect example:
in the Richmond airport, which is teeny tiny and never full of people, a woman sat a few seats down from me. Keep in mind that there were a million empty seats all around us but she chose two seats down from me. I was quietly Facebook stalking and not bothering anyone when she pulled out her cell phone. And ya’ll, she started talking about her recent stomach bug. In detail. I literally turned, mouth open, and stared at her.
She may have gotten the hint because she changed the topic to the current family rivalry amongst her sister and brother in law. In detail. Again, I give her the wide eyed, open mouth stare but she wasn’t phased. She was on a roll and it was a loud one.
Honest to God, I shot her one last look of disgust and got up and moved to another area.
She spent the next two hours on the phone.
2. House Food Like I Live in a Cave
Something about traveling makes me lose track of real time. You can start your day at 5am and by the time 10am rolls around you’re ready for a beer and a burger. Yesterday was a real show as far as food went. I landed in the Philly airport after my flight had been canceled and rescheduled twice only to find that I was in F Terminal and needed to get to B Terminal in a matter of minutes to catch my connection. F Terminal is under construction and isn’t connected to the other terminals so you have to take a bus that rolls slowly around the airport while you count the minutes and estimate how fast you can sprint with a little bump and a rolley bag.
Anyways, I was starv-ING when I landed in Philly. Connecting flight or not, I was pregnant hungry and that had to be handled. Luckily, there is a Chipotle in F Terminal and I new I could grab a salad on the way to wait for the bus. Chipotle tossed my salad in a bag and off I went to race for my flight.
20 mins or so later, I make it on my plane…and wait until we are in the air to pull out my salad. So, maybe 40 minutes later I grab my brown paper Chipotle bag, ready to chow down. Sadly, we don’t have a Chipotle so it slipped my mind that while the Chipotle bowls look like they could withstand a little traveling, they in fact are made out of organic recyclables and cannot withstand their own content. The salad had leaked clear through the container and straight through the bag causing the bottom of the bag to bust open.
I had to kindly ask the flight attendant for a plastic trash bag…and then I ate my salad right out of said trash bag.
Later, I found diced tomatoes in my scarf.
3. Read Trashy Things
(and I mean really trashy)
Anytime I fly I find great satisfaction in taking as long as possible to select the perfect mags to get me through my travel day. I also enjoy over paying for them because I never purchase them at Target ahead of time. Yesterday I proceeded to read an article in Cosmo about the best vibrators for beginners, adventurers and pros in clear sight of the guy in the seat next to me. He didn’t even bother to hide the fact that he was reading over my shoulder and I didn’t bother to hide the fact that I was clearly knocked up and reading about the best vibrators to take under water (?!). Hopefully, he learned something.
4. Not Give One Single Damn About My Appearance
I looked in the mirror sometime around hour 4 in the Richmond airport yesterday and realized that my hair looked greasy (despite the fact that I washed and blow-dried it that morning), my lips were so chapped the skin was chunky and the tiny bit of eye make I attempted to apply earlier that morning was smeared onto my cheek.
And what did I do about it?
Not one thing.
5. Watch Jersey Shore
Thank goodness for my MTV app on my iPad.
Did ya’ll know you can watch super old episodes of Jersey Shore anytime you want? (If your cable provider says it’s cool). I think it’s super fun to see what the cast looked like before they got super skinny and tons of work done (Snookie, is that you!?). It never ceases to amaze me how many hours I can mindlessly spend watching Jersery Shore. I would never admit this in my real life but when I’m stuck in an airport waiting for my third plane, I honestly don’t care who knows it.