Do ya’ll ever read those articles in US Weekly that detail the contents of a celeb’s bag?
The photos are always so cute – a glam tote filled with perfectly uncrushed cosmetics, glass reusable water bottles and snacks for faux eating. 
Yeah, that’s not what we’re dealing with today.
Let’s talk diaper bags.
First of all, why must they weigh so much? 
Secondly, why does everything get lost in there?
And, most importantly, why on Earth does someone so small need so.much.crap?
I attempted one of the Blogger “oh, I casually dumped my bag out onto the floor and this is how the contents splattered” shots and it was a hot mess.
Obviously, the shot below is staged but these items are always in my fine tuned/I’ve been a mom for 11 weeks so I know what’s up/it’s time to go to Target diaper bag. 
* not pictured: two million diapers (some in the wrong size), formula coupons, and a half used tube of petroleum jelly left over from our circumcision care days *
Let’s talk about the bag itself. 
I’m sure most of you recognize the classic Kate diaper bag that everyone loves but I have to admit that I only kinda like it. Here are the benefits: the incredible amount of pockets in all shapes and sizes, the water proof interior and exterior, the roll up changing pad and the stroller straps.
Sadly, to me, the weight of all of the baby gear plus the bag’s uncomfortable straps make the bag only a 5 out of 10. The straps are slippery and don’t sit on my shoulder well/at all. I would love a cross body strap option to free my hands and take the weight off of my shoulder. Thankfully, the stroller straps are built in but it takes an extra step to get them situated just right on my stroller. 
| stroller + carseat
Despite those handy stroller straps, when my baby is screaming at the same decibel as a jet engine, I have to throw caution to the wind, sprint into Target and grab that milk (re: wine) with my giant diaper bag swinging from my white knuckled fist. 
I’m sure that if one possessed the gift of crafty, she could probably fashion herself a cross body strap for such a Target trip. But let’s be real here, I’m not that girl.
Here’s the breakdown on the rest of the goods:

My fair and delicate child requires both healing balm (otherwise known as super expensive vaseline) and organic sunscreen on the off chance he comes into contact with the rarely visible Maine sun.
He also likes his face, bottom and paci’s to be sterilized on a regular basis (diva).
Sometimes he needs to eat (which will inevitably hurt his tummy), sometimes he needs to have a friend and he always needs to be protected from the elements.
And don’t forget this or this, just in case he projectile vomits on an unsuspecting bystander.

My ratty bun top knot often needs emergency assistance so I always have a headband and bobbies on call. 
We all know that I rarely manage to put on a bra before I hit the Starbucks drive through every AM, so these are mandatory to hide a good third of my make up free face.
Did you know that a fairly common post baby symptom is hot flashes? No? Well, lucky you. 
I, on the other hand, carry deodorant with me at all times. 
(and have had to buy an emergency shirt to change into. low point.)
My DIY nursing cover never served to cover actual nursing but has filled in as a picnic blanket, carseat cover, spit up rag and scarf. I’d consider that worth the $5 it cost to make.
Lipstick, Tylenol and hand sani live deep in a pocket somewhere just in case I feel the need to pull it together (the bar is really low these days).
And obviously, I need my wallet to carry my ID so that I can buy the wine. 
All of the wine. 
And there you have it: 218 pounds of necessities for my 12 pound task master.  
Am I missing anything?