The Transition to Two Babies
photo by Courtney Malone Photography 
I’ve thought long and hard about how to write this post, how to really nail down how I felt about the transition from one to two babies – and now that my youngest is one and no longer an infant (and I, ahem, survived the transition), I think I might be ready to lay it all out there. 
If I’m being honest, my transition from mothering a singleton to a mother of two, aged three and under, wasn’t anything like I expected it to be. In fact, it was easier. I know that’s a little hard to believe but hang in there with me – and for the record, there are many days that I’m not sure that there is enough of me to go around, but the actual mothering of two babies proved to be less of a dramatic shift than when I became a mom the first time. Why? Oh, I’m so glad you asked.
When I had my first baby, I absolutely struggled. But I didn’t struggle in the traditional ways – I hated the lack of sleep like everyone else but it was something I could handle, the caring for and nurturing of a baby comes naturally to me and my C Section birth recovery was very easy. 
I struggled immensely with the loss of myself. The loss of my identity, the loss of my autonomy and the loss of freedom that comes with being a mother took my breath away. I felt suffocated and smothered by the responsibility of caring for and raising a child for the rest of my life. I missed spontaneous get aways and leaving my house without any prep, I missed being someone with passions and goals that were self serving, I missed being able to talk about anything other than my beautiful baby. And I wrestled with those feelings for a very long time. In fact, I never truly adjusted to those “losses” and instead had to proactively search out ways to gain back my identity and independence. I learned that the pressure of responsibility will crush you if you let it, especially if you aren’t seeking to take care of yourself and fulfill your own needs. So I did just that, even if the only time I could carve out for myself was after bedtime or during nap. I continued to write and publish the blog, set goals for myself like seeing my work published on respected outlets and gave myself a break on the days when my brain was just too tired to form coherent sentences. I fell in love with renovating and designing our homes and working with my husband to create dream spaces for our family. 
Eventually, I recognized myself as something other than Gray’s mom and felt like I could breathe again. I settled into life as a a full time, stay at home mom who also worked on the side doing things that inspired me and reminded me of my own talents and skills. By the time we welcomed Georgia into the world, I was prepared to handle the weight of being her mother. I knew that the outlets I had built for myself would wait for me and would be ready for me when I needed a reminder of who I was outside of diapers and formula. 
It’s been well documented that Georgia’s first six months were nothing less than excruciating and her entire first year was completely different than I ever dreamed. Needless to say, I struggled in the day to day of managing life with a three year old and difficult baby but that, for me, was a phase to get through. A terrible, exhausting phase that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but the feelings were very different than what I felt when I first became a mom. In that way, having a second baby was actually easier than when I had my first. 
Do we have more stuff, more laundry to clean, is it harder to get out of the house? Yes, of course. Are there days where I wonder if I’ll survive until my husband makes it home or that I’ll lose it if I hear “MOM!” one more time? Um, weekly. But do I worry that I can’t love them both equally or that they aren’t cherished or their individual talents aren’t appreciated? Not in the least.
The motherhood experience is nothing short of a mind game that I’m not sure many have mastered. We all struggle, succeed and strive to do better in different areas, which makes our stories all so different but ultimately tied together by wanting to do the absolute best for our babies. My struggles were much different than I imagined but how can anyone prepare for the weight of motherhood? 
Tell me, what was your hardest transition? Being a first time mom or welcoming additional babes to your tribe?